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Parenting can be a rollercoaster – one that’s full of unexpected twists and turns, but one that you won’t ever get sick of. When you become a parent, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the conflicting advice on how to be a ‘good’ parent. You can read books, listen to podcasts, or even take advice from older family members to get an idea of what to expect from parenthood, but the worst part is – they will all tell you different things. It’s important to listen to the advice of those around you, but also learn from your own experiences and mistakes.
One of the most common dilemmas that parents face is how to control their children when they’re behaving badly, and these moments are crucial to their learning and development. While everyone has their own parenting style, some techniques are more effective than others. In this article, we will discuss how to encourage good behaviour without punishment.
Read: 9 Different Ways In Which A Mother Can Influence Child Development
Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is known as rewarding attitudes and actions that are good with something that’s pleasant or desirable. It’s not just in parents that positive reinforcement is highly effective. In fact, the concept was originally tested on animals to observe their behaviours in response to food rewards. The theory teaches us that certain behaviours and actions can be encouraged by offering a reward for the action being completed. In parenting, for example, this could be offering a child time to watch their favourite TV show once they complete their school homework, or similarly taking them to the waterpark if they tidy their room first.
Positive reinforcement works best when the reward you offer is desirable – and something your child actually cares about. It’s also important to make the link between their good behaviour and the reward obvious, either by offering it straight away or vocally reiterating it to them. This method is an example of a positive parenting technique, which not every technique is classified as. In contrast to positive reinforcement is punishment – a theory whose effectiveness is considered controversial. If you do decide to use punishment in your parenting strategies, it’s necessary to always be calm and consistent in your actions.
Be Their Role Model
It’s widely understood that our traits and attitudes, even from a young age, are determined by our genetics and learned behaviours. Although certain traits are inherited through family genetics, the behaviours and experiences learned from parents and family members can influence and modify how these traits are expressed. It might not be obvious, but everything you do and say as a parent will be absorbed and processed by your children, which is why you must watch your own behaviour before trying to improve theirs. From a young age, every child must have a positive role model to follow. Not only will this encourage them to replicate these healthy attitudes and behaviours, but it will also lower the chances of them becoming influenced by poor role models that involve themselves with dangerous activities.
Delegate Responsibility
As your child gets older, they will benefit from taking on more responsibilities, whether that’s around the house, with meals or even with their siblings. When they feel responsible, they’re more likely to behave well – mainly because they have a clear reason to do so. With responsibility also comes consequence, and your children can quickly get to grips with what will happen if they don’t follow through with their responsibilities. An easy way to introduce responsibility into your daily routine is to make them in charge of tasks they’re familiar with doing every day.
For example, packing lunchboxes or loading the car with everyone’s school bags. Giving your children specific tasks to take care of directs their attention to that specific responsibility, meaning they’ll have less time on their hands to cause mischief. On top of that, giving your children a personal assignment opens the doors to several learning opportunities along the way. What we mean by this is, when they first take on their dedicated task, they’re probably going to struggle. As they continue to do it, they will learn to improve from their own mistakes.
When trying to encourage good behaviour in young children, it’s helpful to understand that the process will take time. Just when you feel like you’re making progress, you might have a moment that feels like you’re back where you started. After all, they’re kids…which means you can’t ever fully control what they’re going to say or do. The most important thing to remember is that consistency is more important than accuracy.
It’s not going to feel perfect when you first try it, so don’t be concerned if you crumble and make a mistake. But above everything, patience is key. The next time you walk into their bedroom and see your expensive cream blush used as a crayon, take a breath – a big one – and remind yourself that every messy moment is part of their creativity and development.
